ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 165: Loot, Lament, and Laughs ( )

"What the hell are you all staring at!?" Hazuki yelled.

All the beastkin adventurers suddenly turned around.

One grabbed an empty mug.

Another opened a quest board that had nothing posted.

Even a guy started sharpening a spoon.

"Tch." Hazuki clicked his tongue.

The Deputy Guild Master crossed his arms.

"We’ll send an investigation team to the area. We’ll hold your payment for now until the goblin nest is confirmed. The ears will stay sealed in this magic quest bag."

"Yeah yeah. Whatever." Hazuki snatched his adventurer card back.

He walked straight out of the guild, mumbling curses.

Ridan floated behind him.

"Wow. You really know how to make a scene."

"You told me to cut the left ear!!"

"And you listened!! You absolute dumbass!! Ahahaha!!"

The heavy doors of the guild creaked open and slammed shut behind him.

Ridan, floating smugly, followed right after.

"Damn it!" Hazuki muttered as he walked down the street, ignoring the stares of other adventurers who had heard him shouting inside.

"That’s it. Next time, I won’t take any quest from that damn guild again."

"Aww~ come on..." Ridan cooed, upside down and grinning ear to ear. "Don’t sulk like that. You looked so cool vaporizing the goblins with my magic! Pchooo~!! Pew pew!!"

"Shut up."

"It’s just an ear! Left or right, it’s still a goblin’s ear! At least pay me half if you can’t pay full!!"

"Yeah!! Agree!!" Ridan cheered, looping around Hazuki like an overly excited ghostly ribbon. "It’s a goblin ear, not a brain scan!! Who cares which side it’s from!?"

"Yo, chillzuki! Relax, man!" Ridan added with a grin. "You did get a ton of loot from the goblin settlement, remember?"

Hazuki stopped mid-step, eyes lighting up like a broke man remembering payday.

"Oh yeah!! That’s right! There’s still loot!!"

He pointed dramatically.

"To the merchant guild!! I’m selling everything and leaving this stupid town!!"

"Yoshhaaaaaa!!" Ridan pumped a translucent fist in the air.

Hazuki hummed cheerfully, practically skipping down the street with his magic bag bouncing at his side.

"Even if I didn’t get the quest reward, I still got a ton of loot from that goblin dump. Heh, I’m gonna make a fortune~"

Ridan floated smugly behind him, arms crossed like some proud ghost sensei.

"Well, well... you should be thanking your partner."

"Oho~?" Hazuki raised an eyebrow. "You want gratitude now?"

"I think ’Ridan-sama’ would be a good start," the spirit said, smirking.

"Ugh. You’re lucky I didn’t lose my mind back at the guild over the ear thing."

"Hey! The guild should be the one blamed! Back in my day, as long as it was an ear, left or right—it counted!"

Hazuki looked at him suspiciously.

"Really? I thought you said you don’t remember your past life."

"Uh... well... it’s just—part of it! Flashes. Here and there."

"Oh."

They walked in silence for a moment.

"...Still think you’re lying," Hazuki muttered quietly.

"Still think you should call me Ridan-sama," Ridan shot back, grinning.

"Ridan."

"What?" the spirit answered lazily, hovering just behind Hazuki.

Hazuki exhaled sharply, hands in his pockets.

"I still haven’t fully explored this town, but now my mood’s gone sour. I think we should just leave."

"Not going to sell the loot first?"

Hazuki shook his head without looking back.

"No. I don’t think I want anything to do with this town anymore."

"Well... it’s up to you," Ridan said, twirling in the air with a shrug.

Hazuki adjusted his bag and nodded to himself.

"Alright. Let’s go."

"At least stop and buy food or wine," Ridan said smugly, circling lazily around Hazuki before landing right on top of his head.

"You always leave towns without preparation, like some half-baked vagabond."

Hazuki sighed.

"Now that you mention it... yeah, alright. Let’s stop and buy some wine first."

He reached down to check his side bag. The leather was cracked, the stitching frayed, and one of the buckles dangled like a loose tooth.

"Ugh. This thing’s barely holding together." He tugged at his collar. "And this shirt’s starting to smell like shit.."

He glanced at his pants—dirt-stained, ripped at the hem.

"Better stop and buy a new shirt. And pants. And a new bag. Maybe even a bigger one. You think I need a bigger bag?"

Ridan scoffed.

"What are you, a donkey?"

"You’re not getting a big bag—just a side bag. A bigger one than what you have now. That’s it."

"...Oh."

"And don’t even think about buying one of those cheap cloth sacks. Get a leather one. Durable, water-resistant, less embarrassing."

"Fine! Ugh! Bossy spirit," Hazuki grumbled as he dragged his feet toward the market street.

Ridan snickered from above.

"Better bossy than broke."

"Oi! I’m not broke!" Hazuki barked, puffing out his chest.

"I’ve got more than twenty gold coins, some silver, and a bunch of copper stashed away. Richest adventurer in town, you hear me!?"

Ridan floated lazily overhead, unimpressed.

"Yeah, yeah. And that coin still isn’t enough to buy your little dreamland so you can build a house and play happy couple with your pinky promise catgirl—Ellyn~"

"Heh. Don’t worry, Ridan." Hazuki smirked. "I’ll make sure to build a small hut right next to it, just for you."

"Damn it." Ridan muttered, defeated, as Hazuki laughed and strolled toward the market, humming a victorious tune.

"Or maybe," Hazuki grinned mischievously, raising both hands to make air quotes, "I should build a small ’Ridan-sama shrine’ just for you. Right there, next to the garden. People can put flowers and pray to the ’Great Floaty Spirit Who Won’t Shut Up.’"

"Ugh! I don’t need that," Ridan groaned, cringing as he hovered upside down above Hazuki’s head.

"Heh~ I’ll carve it out of stone," Hazuki continued, smug. "Nice and slow, real detailed. Gotta make sure the face looks just like yours. Grumpy, smug, and punchable."

"Keep talking and I’ll curse your wine to taste like goblin feet."

"Ohoho~ but you can’t, Ridan-sama. Spirits can’t curse wine~"

"Yes yes... whatever." Ridan smirked, arms crossed like a smug little ghost king.

"Oh~ I do wonder how Ellyn would react," he added with a mischievous tone, floating lazily above Hazuki’s shoulder, "when I complain to her that her future husband wants a lot of kids."

Hazuki almost tripped.

"I didn’t say that!!"

"Oh no? So that whole ’I need to build a big house someday’ wasn’t because you want five little cat-eared brats running around?"

"That was for storage!" Hazuki blurted, face turning red. "Storage and weapon racks! Maybe a library!"

"Uh-huh. Sure. Let me guess—cribs and toys go on the second floor?"

"SHUT UP!"

( End Of Chapter )