ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 159: Exp and Ears ( )

"And~"

Ridan circled around Hazuki like a smug fairy godmother made of smoke, twirling dramatically.

With a flourish, he raised one misty finger—

Flick!

The sound echoed like a magical snap.

"Here come the experience for my dumbass idiot!"

Hazuki blinked, confused.

"Wha—? What do you mean experie—"

Suddenly, his entire body began to glow faintly, particles of light swirling around him like he’d just touched a save crystal in a JRPG.

"WAH!!"

He stumbled backward.

"WHAT’S HAPPENING!? WHY AM I GLOWING!? DID I STEP ON A TRAP!? AM I ASCENDING!? AM I DYING!?"

"No, dumbass," Ridan floated beside him, arms behind his head, unfazed.

"You just gained a fat chunk of EXP from nuking whole a goblin settlement. Congrats."

Hazuki paused, blinking at his glowing hands.

"...Wait, that’s how EXP works? You can just... kill stuff from a distance and it counts?"

"Welcome to adventuring 101: collateral experience edition."

Hazuki stared at his radiant palms in awe.

"NOW!!"

Ridan shouted, spinning like a caffeinated squirrel in mid-air.

"You better get over there before someone else claims those goblin ears! And of course... the LOOOOOOOOTTT!!"

Hazuki froze, eyes wide with panic.

"Eh!? NO WAY!!"

Without hesitation, he bolted forward—nearly tripping over his own legs.

"Channel your mana into your boots, dumbass! You’ll run faster!"

Hazuki shouted back while sprinting:

"If I do that, the world blurs and I CAN’T BRAKE!!"

"Then RUN FASTER and HOPE you don’t hit a tree!"

Hazuki’s eye shrank in terror.

"YOU’RE ENJOYING THIS!!"

"Oh no~" Ridan floated above, twirling dramatically.

"I just believe someone else is probably closer to that loot than you are right now~"

Hazuki’s eyes widened to squeaker-sized.

"NOOOOOO WAAAYYYY!!" he screamed, pouring mana into his boots.

His body launched forward like a firecracker on legs, trees and bushes whipping past as the wind howled in his ears.

"LOOOOOOTTTT—wait no TREE TREE TREE—!!!"

CRASH!

CRASH!!

"CRAAASHH!!"

"I CAN’T STOOOOP, RIDANNNNN!!"

Hazuki howled as he blurred through the forest like a possessed lawnmower on fire.

Ridan floated above, laughing hysterically.

"Oho~! The Tree Destructor has arrived!!"

He spun theatrically with tiny jazz hands.

"Witness the wrath of the Legendary Human Chainsaw!"

Hazuki’s foot skidded off a mossy rock and he faceplanted directly into a bush, only his boots sticking out like a fallen statue.

"Ugh... I’m alive..."

Hazuki wheezed, pulling himself out, covered in twigs and shame.

From the treetops, birds scattered as a group of beastkin patrol guards froze mid-run, hearing the chaos.

One of them sniffed the air.

"Is it a troll...?"

"A bear in heat?"

Then they saw Hazuki, bent over, steam billowing off his boots, smoke curling from his hair, looking like a failed fireworks experiment.

Ridan pointed at him smugly.

"There he is, officers! That’s your culprit! Hazekaya the Tree Slayer! The one-man logging crisis!"

Hazuki groaned.

"I was trying to SAVE the environment... by killing goblins... not trees..."

One guard whispered to another, eyes narrowing:

"That’s him. The lunatic from Macia."

"We’re not paid enough for this. Let’s pretend we didn’t see anything."

The patrol vanished into the bushes like trained ghosts, leaving Hazuki and the wreckage behind.

Hazuki finally stood straight, shaking leaves out of his hair.

"Did I at least make it to the goblin camp?"

Ridan floated forward with a grin.

"Oh yes... Welcome to ground zero."

Ahead, smoke rose.

Burned goblin bodies twitched.

Loot... was ripe for the taking.

"BUWEKKKK!!!"

Hazuki bent over and violently vomited into a nearby bush, the sound echoing through the forest.

The surrounding air reeked of burnt meat, sulfur, and fried goblin flesh—smoke drifting lazily from the still-smoking corpses strewn across the ground.

"Heh... weak-hearted idiot," Ridan floated above the carnage, arms crossed and completely unfazed.

Hazuki wiped his mouth, pale and trembling.

"Of course I am!! The smell, man!! Roasted goblin!! It’s like someone deep-fried mold and despair!!" He gagged again.

"Overcooked! Charcoal! Goblin jerky with sadness seasoning!!"

Ridan smirked, clearly enjoying the chaos.

"Heh~ if you don’t want the ears, we could just leave this place."

Hazuki clenched his jaw, struggling to stay upright.

"No... I’ll collect them. I need the reward." He forced himself to stand straight, eyes watering as he grabbed his sword.

Ridan hovered in anticipation, grinning wide.

"Alright then. Take your sword, cut the left ear, and drop it into the magic quest bag. Simple."

Hazuki paused, glancing at the pile of goblin bodies, then at Ridan.

"...How do you know all this?"

Ridan floated dramatically, raising one misty hand to the sky—like he was revealing the secrets of the universe.

"Huh!? I am a spirit older than a thousand years, you dumb dumb!

"Even the elven sages, if they could see me, would fall to their knees and worship my wisdom!"

He spun midair and roared, doing his best divine pose:

"Bow before the great Ridan-sama!! Bwahahahaha!!!"

Hazuki rolled his eyes and, with a resigned sigh, sliced off the first goblin ear.

"There’s one!"

Ridan spun midair, floating above a crispy goblin corpse.

"And there’s the seeeecooonnnddd!"

Hazuki, pale and gagging, crouched down with his sword, reluctantly slicing off another half-burnt ear.

Snip.

The ear plopped into the magic quest bag with a squish.

"Keep it going, dumb dumb!"

Ridan circled him like a cursed spirit drone, voice practically giggling.

"More!! Cut cut—put put—YAAAY!"

Hazuki groaned, eyes half-lidded, looking like a traumatized cashier at a haunted butcher shop.

"Stop saying it like it’s a festival game..." he muttered, reaching for the next festering ear.

He dry-heaved, muscles tense as he pushed through the nausea, dead-eyed like a zombie.

Ridan clapped midair, acting like a tiny ghost game show host.

"This week on: Hazuki’s Hell Kitchen! Slice fast or get nothing!"

Hazuki shot him a glare, voice dripping with exasperation.

"You’re enjoying this way too much." freeweɓnovel.cøm

Ridan smirked, floating comfortably nearby.

"I’m a thousand-year-old spirit—this is what I do. Watching a grown man collect fried goblin ears? Best entertainment I’ve had in centuries."

While Hazuki was crouched nearby, mumbling to himself and slicing goblin ears like a depressed sushi chef—

"One... two... three... ew..."

Ridan floated off, casually drifting through the smoke-hazy field, eyes scanning the surrounding area.

Something felt... off.

A bush nearby swayed subtly, despite the wind being completely still.

Ridan narrowed his eyes, drifting closer with suspicion.

"Hmm... strange."

Suddenly—SNAP!

A hand shot out from the bush and grabbed Ridan by the tail, yanking him sharply backward into the dense foliage.

( End of Chapter )