ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 103: Morning Mishaps ( )

The next morning...

Kroohhh... krooohhh...

Hazuki snored loudly, sprawled next to the sword like a man without a care in the world.

"This idiot..." Ridan muttered from within the blade. "How can someone sleep that loud? I don’t even need sleep and he’s making me tired."

Hazuki, still deep in dreamland, suddenly rolled over and wrapped the sword in a tight hug, cradling it like a body pillow.

"Yum... yum..." he mumbled with a drowsy grin on his face, drooling slightly.

"Oi!! Wake up, you moron!!" Ridan shouted.

No response. Hazuki continued snoring, now squeezing the sword even tighter.

"This idiot!!" Ridan snapped. "Fine. You asked for it."

Ridan had enough. With a flicker of malicious glee, he channeled lightning magic through the blade.

"HUGYAAHH!!!" Hazuki shot up like a startled cat, hair standing on end. "W-what the hell!? What was that for!?"

"I’M NOT YOUR BODY PILLOW!!" Ridan roared.

"Huh? Like I’m stupid enough to hug a—" Hazuki looked down and froze, still clutching the sword tightly against his chest.

"...Don’t say a word."

"Oh, I won’t." Ridan smirked. "I’ll scream it into your dreams every night."

Yawnnn...

Hazuki rubbed his eyes, still half-asleep. "Where are we?"

"Still in the forest, dumbass," Ridan replied flatly.

"Oh... cool." Hazuki mumbled as he sluggishly stretched his limbs, still swaying like a drunk squirrel. "Time to wake up... I guess."

"Looks like you’re still dreaming with your eyes open," Ridan muttered.

"Ridan..." Hazuki blinked slowly.

"What now?"

"Do you know where we can find a stream? I need to wash my face."

"Dunno."

Hazuki frowned. "Huh? Aren’t you some ancient spirit or whatever? Shouldn’t you know?"

"Ugh! Fine! Give me a sec!" Ridan grumbled and began channeling his power.

A brief flicker of energy shimmered from the sword. Mapping Area: Activated.

"...There’s a stream not far from here," Ridan finally said.

Hazuki yawned again. "Finally, something useful from you."

"Say that again and I’ll cast another spell just for you."

"Chill, mate."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Ridan grumbled.

Hazuki stood up, stretched with an exaggerated yawn, and cracked a sly smirk. Without a word, he started walking—very slowly—glancing back at the sword with a mischievous glint in his eye.

He crept forward, step by step, dramatically pretending to leave Ridan behind.

...

"OIIIIII!!"

Bwahahahahah!! Hazuki suddenly burst into a light jog, laughing like a brat who just stole candy.

"Don’t you dare leave me behind!!" Ridan shouted, the sword suddenly floating and zipping after him in a flustered fury.

Once Ridan caught up, Hazuki grabbed the floating sword and strapped it to his back like nothing had happened.

"Ridan."

"What now?"

"Why don’t you just keep floating? You know... save me the trouble."

"Huh? First of all—what do you think people will say if they see a sword floating around town?"

Hazuki blinked. "Ghost?"

"And?"

"Uhh..." Hazuki shrugged. "Free entertainment?"

"They’ll think you’re carrying a cursed sword, dumbass."

"Ohhh... yeah, that makes sense." Hazuki scratched his cheek, pretending to think. Then his lips curled into a sly grin. "Well, you are a cursed spirit anyway."

"I am not, asshole!! I’m the strongest ancient spirit you’ll ever lay eyes on!"

"Yeah, yeah... whatever."

"So where’s this stream anyway?" Hazuki asked, still stretching out his arms.

"Just head left here," Ridan replied, "then straight until you hear water."

"Okay~" Hazuki hummed cheerfully, practically skipping down the path. "Live freely, enjoy the sights, breathe in the forest air... and just wait patiently for my future bride~"

He giggled dreamily, a thin line of drool sliding from the corner of his mouth.

"...You look like you’re having way too much fun," Ridan said, floating behind.

"Huh? Of course! I mean, think about it—hot, cute, adult Ellyn from my dream? Hoo boy~ what a goddess. The pinky promise was definitely worth it."

"Oho~ look who’s suddenly sentimental about sacred promises now."

Hazuki suddenly stopped and squatted like a deflated sack. "...If only..."

Ridan blinked. "What do you mean?"

Hazuki muttered under his breath, "You know what happens if I stare too long at a girl’s melons?"

"Eh? What happens?"

"...Better you not know."

"Oi! We’ve got all the time in the world! Just tell me already!" Ridan shouted, clearly annoyed.

Hazuki stared off blankly, voice hollow. "...The curse activates."

"...What curse!?"

Hazuki whispered, "Let’s just say... something gets kicked, and it’s not the bucket."

"HUHH!?"

Ridan snapped back with a sharp yell, "I know you’re just messing with me! There’s no way your balls got kicked just for staring at some melons or hot girls!"

Hazuki burst out laughing, clutching his stomach. "Pfft—You think I’m joking? Hahahaha!!"

Ridan growled, "Tch! Quit laughing and tell me the truth!"

Still giggling, Hazuki wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. "Alright, alright... If you really wanna know, let’s reach a town or village first. Then I’ll show you."

"...Wait, what do you mean ’show’? What the hell are you gonna show me!?"

Hazuki smirked, winking like an idiot. "The truth."

Ridan went quiet for a second.

"...Damn it. Now I really want to know what happens... or maybe I don’t."

"Too late," Hazuki said with a smug look.

Once they reach the stream.

Hazuki crouched by the stream, gazing at the clear water sparkling in the morning light. "Wow... beautiful."

"Oi! Don’t you dare get naked here!" Ridan shouted from the sword, his voice laced with panic.

"Huh? Of course I’m going to." Hazuki began pulling off his shirt. "You think I want to walk around in soggy clothes? I do have spare clothes in my bag, you know." He tapped it proudly. "But no way I’m waiting for wet ones to dry."

"...So you don’t wash your clothes?" Ridan asked, his voice flat with disbelief.

Hazuki blinked. "Huh? What do you mean? This is the same shirt I’ve been wearing since I bought it in Hazlin Town."

"...Which means?"

Hazuki tilted his head, counting on his fingers. "Let’s see... I left Hazlin, wandered into the forest, tried finding the treasure cave, couldn’t find it, caught some fish with my sword, grilled it, then finally found the cave... and, uh... found a big-ass jar. Thought there’d be gold inside, but nope—it was you, sealed like some ancient pickled turnip."

"..."

"So yeah... I guess I’ve been wearing this for like, three... maybe five days? How should I know? You expect me to remember small details like that?"

"Small detail your ass!!!" Ridan roared, practically vibrating with rage. "You’ve been walking, sweating, fighting, and sleeping in the same shirt for days! That’s not a small detail, damn brain rot human!!"

Hazuki shrugged as he dipped his feet into the stream. "Don’t worry, I don’t stink that bad."

"Don’t stink my ass! I can feel the stink through the sword, and I don’t even have a nose!!"

Hazuki threw off the last piece of his clothing without hesitation and leapt into the stream with a loud splash."CANNONBALL!!!!"

"OI!!! I’M STILL HERE, YOU NAKED SAVAGE!!" Ridan’s voice echoed from the sword lying helplessly on the grass. "I CAN SEE EVERYTHING!!"

Hazuki emerged from the water, droplets running down his hair and shoulders as he sighed contentedly. "Brrrr... cold..."

"MONSTER!! SNAKE!! HIDEOUS LEFT-AND-RIGHT WIGGLING ANACONDA!!" Ridan was going off like a traumatized priest. "WHY—WHY IS IT MOVING LIKE IT’S ALIVE?! WHO GAVE IT PERMISSION!?"

Hazuki ignored him, rubbing his arms and chest with the water, clearly enjoying himself. "Man... nothing beats a morning wash. Gotta scrub all the crust off. Haven’t showered since... when again?"

"YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BATHE!! COVER THAT WICKED THING!! WHERE’S A CURTAIN, A LEAF, A FOG, A BLESSING FROM THE GODS TO HIDE THIS CURSE!?"

"Sheesh," Hazuki turned around in the water and smirked. "Chill."

Hazuki whistled while splashing his face, clearly enjoying Ridan’s meltdown. "Relax, pervert sword. You got your peep show. Be grateful."

"I WAS SEALED FOR A THOUSAND YEARS, NOT TO WITNESS THIS NAKED HORROR!!"

"Aw, admit it—you missed the world. Even my ’horror’ is better than eternal darkness."

"...I’d rather go back to the darkness..."

Hazuki laughed, flicking water in the sword’s direction. "No going back now, swordie. You’re stuck with me. And my majestic anaconda."

"OH GODS—STOP CALLING IT THAT!!"

( End of Chapter )