To His Hell and Back-Chapter 178: My Love

Sacrifices...

Cassius had forgotten about all the things he had sacrifice to take the throne. He never knew why he wanted the throne, all he knew was to take the throne was important and that was the way for him to survive. So no matter what he had to make his way up the ranks, to secure himself as the Crown Prince where no one would dare to say otherwise.

It was painful, nightmarish. He had suffered so much and far so long.

He couldn’t remember how many blood he had shed. He didn’t even remember his own emotions.

He can’t recall. Did he felt empty the first time he had killed someone?

When he took that blade, was he scared?

Was there a time when he wanted to simply end it all?

He felt like those things had happened before. No, he was sure it had happened. In the battlefield, he had trusted a few people at first. Like the boy who was a human, a soldier like him but often used as a meatshield for vampires. They became close friends after spending two years in war together.

They were still so young and the human boy would often talk about his life. His human family consists of a mother and a father, two siblings which are both girls. Cassius had opened up about himself to someone for the first time as well. He even told the young boy what he had never told to anyone: his feelings, his worries, and his fear.

But what had happened after that?

Ah.

Cassius recalled there was a stab mark on his back, one that was near his spine. It had came from that young man in the middle of the crossfire. The young human man had suddenly ran toward him and defenseless, Cassius who hadn’t expected his friend would eventually stab him in the back had left his guard down, he was the first person Cassius had trusted. And he became the last until the crowning as he turned as the Crown Prince.

He had later learned that his human friend had sold him for a few golds.

And he had forgotten how hurt he had felt upon realizing the betrayal.

It didn’t matter after all.

"Sacrifices," he said with his red eyes that seemed to have gone out of focus and Arabella could see that clearly. "I did sacrifice a lot. My youth, people, and things that I could no longer have."

Arabella’s lips pursed.

Of course. Cassius had suffered a lot. His words bore no hurt in it. His tone almost felt too neutral like he was speaking about someone else’s wounds but that confirms to Arabella that his entire life Cassius had only one dream had only ever reached for one.

A man who wanted the crown. A man who lives for the crown.

Arabella would have thought someone who only wanted the crown to be someone so heinous and greedy. But Cassius was different. Having seen him beside her for long, she could understand he wanted the crown not only for the power.

Perhaps it was the security. Perhaps it was the stability of that the throne would give him.

After all he always wanted to survive and what better way to survive than becoming the ultimate power?

No more harm, no more danger, and people under him would simply move according to his words.

"Do you dream of the throne because of your mother?" Arabella asked. She felt an ache in her heart as she knew that realizing this meant for her to watch as Cassius lock hands with a princess and eventually walk down the aisle.

But Arabella’s love was always self sacrifices.

Unlike the type of love where one would sacrifices everyone around them so they could obtain the love, hers was different.

She would rather lay down her love for those she cares for.

Ah... how it hurts.

Cassius who couldn’t tell her emotions as her expression had flawlessly masked her pain, thought about her words, "My mother. She is the cause," he confirmed. "She lost her power to a human and since then she had became even more absorbed in her plan in making me into a perfect Crown Prince. Fortunately for her, it did work."

But did he dream the throne because of his mother?

Then that isn’t his dream is it?

Arabella saw his expression and slowly she rose from the bed. She didn’t know what had filled her heart but her fingers had moved toward his palms. It started by a touch and then her fingers began to fill the gaps between his hands.

Cassius watched as those frail, beautiful fingers held back to his hand and gripped his hand tight. Then he looked up, finding her face and the smile that had bloomed her pink cheeks. Her green eyes were bright, her emotions looking the happiest she had ever been.

"If there is anything I could help you to achieve your dream, I would like to help you."

Cassius’s lips parted.

Cassius was shocked.

Arabella saw it clear before her green eyes and he chuckled, "Why are you so surprised?"

"I thought you want to leave the castle," he noted to her and she rolled her eyes to the window behind them with an easy shrug of her shoulders.

"I don’t think it’s bad to stay here anymore. Besides you would help me find Ariel right? So in exchange, I’ll help you back."

Cassius who watched her expression slowly tuned a chuckle that loudened into a laughter.

"How grateful I am," he said and though he sounded teasing, she could see the sincerity of his smile, making her wonder if there was really no one he could lean on despite being the Crown Prince of Versailles?

His expression said it all. It said of how fortunate he was to have someone finally on his side.

Arabella gulped the lump on her throat and as she stared at his face, without her notice her fingers had moved to trace his cheeks.

Cassius didn’t know what was wrong with Arabella today. She doesn’t enjoy the throne. She doesn’t enjoy being in this castle. But today she was supportive of him, wanting to help him and how could he not be happy that she want to stay in this castle? With him?

He closed his eyes, his chuckle tickling her palms as he closed his red eyes, snoozing closer to her palms, deeper inside.