ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 97: The Perverted Spirit ( )

Ridan, the spirit inside the sword, scoffed. "I thought you two never left your hideout. So why are you both here? And more importantly—why, after all this time, did you suddenly decide to release me?"

The two men immediately turned serious.

"Because," the older one said, his tone heavy, "you and this guy is the only pair who can stop it. And this human here... he’s the one chosen among all."

Ridan’s twitched. "Why? This guy is clearly an idiot! He has no magic! All he can do is control elements—no magic attacks, no proper skills! How do you expect him to fight someone who can strike from a distance?!?"

The two halflings didn’t answer right away. Instead, their bodies shimmered, shifting back into their human forms.

The younger one smirked. "There’s a reason he was chosen. And, Ridan—"

Ridan narrowed his eyes. "What?"

The old man’s smirk widened. "Even if you tried with all your might... you could never possess his body."

Ridan froze. "What do you mean?"

The younger man let out a long sigh before glancing at the older one. "This idiot spirit is actually the perfect match for the idiot human. Just look at him—he still doesn’t get it."

Ridan scowled. "What the hell do you mean!?"

The older man simply pointed. "You didn’t notice his hand?"

Ridan finally turned his gaze toward Hazuki’s hand. And then—he saw it.

A ring.

Not just any ring.

A pinky promise ring.

And in that moment, Ridan understood.

"This idiot here..." Ridan muttered, eyes narrowing at Hazuki. "Who the hell is his partner?"

The older man chuckled, casually dusting off his sleeve. "Oh, just a girl with a certain... rare talent."

The younger one smirked knowingly. "An Absolute Eye user."

"Absolute Eye!?" Ridan recoiled in pure shock. His form flickered, momentarily unstable. "So... it has begun..."

His voice trembled with the weight of realization. Even after being sealed for more than a thousand years, the legends still echoed in his mind—the Absolute Eye, a power feared, coveted, and hidden from history itself.

The older man nodded slowly. "That’s why we brought him here. That’s why we made sure you were released. No one else can assist him."

Ridan grumbled under his breath. "So this idiot is tied to the Absolute Eye user... and he’s got a pinky promise oath... damn, how did I end up babysitting a ticking time bomb!?"

The two mysterious figures just smiled in silence.

"Oh, we gotta go now..." the older man stretched as if this was all just some casual tea party. "This guy’s about to wake up."

The younger one gave Ridan a wink. "Ridan... just remember. The mission."

"Ugh! Am I some kind of tool to be used!?" Ridan snapped, sparks of mana flaring off his spiritual form.

"Well..." the younger one scratched his chin. "You are an idiot."

"And this guy’s also an idiot," the older one chimed in, nudging Hazuki’s unconscious body with his boot. "So... perfect match!"

Ridan shaking with indignation. "Damn it! What do I even get for helping this guy!?"

The two looked at each other, then grinned.

"Hmm? Freedom," the older one said lightly, "to not be sealed... while he’s still alive."

Ridan froze. "Ah..."

"...Exactly," the younger one smirked as the two slowly vanished into glowing mist.

Left alone, Ridan hovered above Hazuki’s body and sighed, floating back into the sword.

"...Damn it. I’m stuck with this idiot."

"Oi, human!! Wake up!!"

"Hmm? Where am I...?"

"Oi—"

"GYAAARRR!!! T-T-Talking sword!!"

BONK!

The sword flew up and smacked Hazuki square on the head with its pommel.

"EEEKKK!! Abusive!! Abusive ghost!! Domestic violence!! I’m being haunted and bullied!! Somebody exorcise this sword!! I need a priest! A shaman! A lawyer!!"

"Wha—!?" the sword twitched, clearly offended. "Don’t call me that!! I’m not a ghost, I’m an ancient spirit!!"

"Same thing!!" Hazuki backed up, pointing an accusing finger. "If it talks, floats, and hits people—it’s a ghost!!!"

"I’m going to lose my temper..."

"Too late!! You already did when you assaulted me, you demonic butter knife!!"

"B-Butter k-knife!!?? How dare you!!" the sword shook with pure indignation, sparks of spirit energy flaring around it.

"What!? If not a butter knife, then what are you? Huh?" Hazuki huffed, crossing his arms like he had the moral high ground in this conversation.

"This is your sword!! The one you bought from that shady blacksmith for 10 silver coins!!"

"...Oh. Yeah... now I remember..." Hazuki scratched his head. "Wait—HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT!? Were you spying on me?! Were you alive in there the whole time!? YOU PERVERTED PIECE OF METAL, YOU WATCHED ME BATHE, DIDN’T YOU!?"

"WH—?! WHO WOULD WANT TO WATCH A SCRAWNY HUMAN LIKE YOU SCRUB HIS ARMPITS WITH LEAVES!?!"

"...How do you know that...?" Hazuki narrowed his eyes, suspicion growing by the second.

There was a long pause.

"...Creepy sword!! You do like to peek on men taking baths or showers, huh!? You’re one of those weirdos!! Disgusting!!" Hazuki pointed at the sword, backing away as if it had a contagious disease.

"OI OI OI!! I’M NOT!! Don’t you dare say it like that!!" the spirit barked back, vibrating in outrage. "I’m an ancient spirit, not some bath-stalking maniac!! It’s not my fault your life is so damn boring that I ended up learning things by force!!"

"Ancient peeking spirit more like! I knew it—no wonder you were sealed!! They probably caught you hiding in someone’s bathroom back then!!"

"THAT’S NOT WHY I WAS SEALED, YOU MORON!!"

"Oh, so you admit you were sealed!"

"THAT’S NOT—ARRRGHHHH!!" The sword vibrated in rage, glowing faintly. "I swear, if I didn’t need you, I’d bury myself back in that cave..."

"Oh-ho? What’s that? ghost got feelings? ghost can’t handle the truth?" Hazuki smirked like a smug idiot.

The sword bonked him again with the pommel.

"OW! ABUSE! ABUSE!! HELP! I’M BEING ASSAULTED BY A POSSESSED CUTLERY!!"

"I swear to the heavens, you are the dumbest chosen one in existence..."

Hazuki gasped, then covered his chest with both arms. "You saw me scratching my butt while humming, didn’t you!?!"

"...I wish I didn’t..." the sword groaned.

"Pervert Spirit!!" Hazuki shouted, backing away while pointing dramatically.

"Oi! Stop that!!" the sword—no, the spirit inside—shouted back in frustration.

"Weird! Disgusting! Pervert ghost! Don’t you dare peek at me when I take a shower!"

"Who the hell is gonna peek on you!? You literally bathe naked in an open stream! In broad daylight! Like a lunatic!"

Hazuki paused.

The silence was deafening.

Then slowly, he leaned forward with a suspicious glare.

"...So you did peek."

"..."

"..."

"HAH! SEE!? YOU ARE A PERVERT SPIRIT!!"

"NO I’M NOT!!!" the spirit shrieked, probably wishing he could just eject himself from the sword and smack Hazuki upside the head in person.

"Alright, I’m going to leave you here! So long, sucker!" Hazuki huffed dramatically as he stood up, dusted off his pants, and began walking away with his nose up like a man wronged by fate.

"OI! DON’T LEAVE ME BEHIND!!" the sword’s voice echoed behind him.

"Huh? Why would I mingle with a pervert spirit? Hmph."

Inside Ridan’s mind: "Damn this idiot..."

Then, a devilish smirk formed in the spirit’s non-existent face. He had an idea.

"Oh~ so you’re rich now, huh?" Ridan’s voice grew teasing. "Leaving behind a valuable ten-silver-coin sword like it’s nothing. Not to mention, imbued with rare slime crystal. Wow... must be nice."

Hazuki stopped.

"...T-ten silver..."

"Yep~ That’s right. Your precious, hard-earned, poorly-negotiated ten silver coin sword. Just gonna toss it aside like garbage?"

Hazuki slowly turned back, a visible twitch in his eyebrow.

"...Y-you tricking me?"

"Oh nooo," Ridan said, voice dripping with fake innocence. "I’m just saying. Only a fool would leave behind an investment like this. I mean, maybe you enjoy being poor forever, who knows?"

Hazuki stomped back over and snatched the sword.

"This is just temporary, okay!? I’m not accepting you as a partner or anything!"

"Sure, sure." If Ridan had shoulders, he’d be shrugging smugly right now. "Just a man reuniting with his butter knife. How poetic."

"SHUT UP!!"

( End Of Chapter )