ISEKAI? More like I See Crap!-Chapter 111: Dreams and Detours ( )

Hazuki stretched his arms wide, basking in the open blue sky and the gentle wind brushing through the trees.

"Man, this fantasy world is awesome! Yeah!! 10/10 for scenery!!"

Ridan hummed. "Oh? Your previous world isn’t this beautiful?"

"Huh? It’s the best..." Hazuki said dreamily. Then his face twisted into a deadpan grimace.

"Well, not the tax. Or the constant bills. Or the black companies—ugh! They work your ass off like you’re some kind of golem with no HP bar!"

"Black... companies?" Ridan echoed, confused.

"Yeah. You go to work when it’s dark. You leave when it’s dark. You eat your meals in 5 minutes, cry in the bathroom for 3, and keep pretending your boss’s joke is funny."

"...That sounds worse than the demon army during the war."

Hazuki nodded solemnly. "It is."

Then he grinned and puffed out his chest.

"But now! I’m free! No more contracts! No more unpaid overtime! Just walking, adventuring, and maybe—just maybe—finding a big pile of treasure and some jiggly melons!"

"...You were doing fine until that last part."

Hazuki replied, "Don’t judge me. I’m a man with dreams."

"Oh~ are you forgetting about someone?"

Hazuki blinked, then smirked. "Hmm? Ellyn? No way I’m going to forget about her! When she turns into adult soon... mmm, she’s more beautiful and hotter than any girl we’ve seen on the street so far."

"Oho~ and how can you be so sure?"

Hazuki puffed his chest with smug pride. "Well, I saw it once in a dream. I asked Ellyn about it after, and she just went all silent. That confirms it! Classic anime logic—dreams don’t lie!"

"...That’s your logic?"

Hazuki raised a dramatic finger to the sky. "Yes! And besides, it’s every otaku’s dream to have a beautiful catgirl as a wife!"

"...Ota... otaku?"

"Is that some kind of noble title?"

Hazuki paused. Then grinned wide. "Exactly! Lord Otaku Hazuki, tamer of tsunderes, collector of waifus, and bringer of melon-based peace across the land!"

Ridan snorted again, his spirit voice filled with mocking laughter.

"With the pinky promise oath binding you? And you dream of collecting waifus? Bwahahahaha!"

Hazuki clenched his fists. "Oi! Shut it!"

Ridan kept going, merciless. "You can only marry ONE in your entire lifetime! That sacred pinky promise is no joke! You’re basically wearing an invisible collar!"

"Damn it..." Hazuki slumped in defeat, a shadow falling over his face. "...There goes my dream harem..."

Ridan chuckled. "Rest in peace, Hazuki’s harem dream. May it never rise again."

Hazuki groaned dramatically. "Haaaa... whatever. Doesn’t matter anyway. Ellyn’s beautiful, she’s hot, she’s special—and she already loves me. That’s more than I ever got back in my old world."

He looked up at the sky with a goofy yet heartfelt grin on his face. "Can’t wait, man. Eight more years!"

Ridan floated silently for a moment before muttering, "...Pretty sure it’s less than that."

"Huh?" Hazuki blinked. "What’d you say?"

"Nothing~" Ridan replied, voice dripping with smug mystery.

Hazuki narrowed his eyes. "Oi! Don’t play games with me! Is it less?"

"Nope~ You’ll see," Ridan said, cackling inside the sword.

Hazuki grumbled, stomping down the road. "Damn cryptic sword. I’ll make you into a can opener at this rate!"

"Go ahead! At least I’ll be useful for once!" Ridan retorted.

Inside Ridan’s mind...

"Hmm... can’t wait to finally meet this ’absolute eye’ user... the fabled pinky promise girl... Let’s just hope she isn’t as much of an idiot as this one."

He glanced—figuratively—at Hazuki, who was currently trying to juggle three pebbles while walking and nearly tripped over a rock.

"...Yup. Definitely an idiot."

Ridan sighed in defeat.

"Then again... I did get sealed for over a thousand years in a jar thinking I was guarding treasure. And I did get possessed by accident into a ten-silver sword..."

"...Okay fine. Maybe I’m a bit of an idiot too."

He floated there in eternal soul-bound reflection.

"A dumb spirit in a sword... with a dumbass for a master."

Then Hazuki tripped and face-planted into the dirt.

Ridan stared in disbelief as Hazuki lay flat on the ground, a dust cloud puffing around him.

"So what’s the plan?" Ridan asked, floating lazily behind.

"Huh? My plan?" Hazuki scratched his head. "I was thinking of sightseeing the town first... you know, enjoy the view."

He suddenly shivered as a haunting memory flashed through his mind.

"If not for that big bulky man... with fake eyelashes... wide red lips... and a jaw that could crush stone..."

"The one in a floral dress with a voice deeper than a dungeon boss?"

Hazuki twitched. "Y-yeah... that one."

"That’s what you get for pretending to be a beggar when you’re not."

Hazuki crossed his arms. "How was I supposed to know pity would come with a side of pervert deluxe?! I was just collecting donations!"

"You mean panhandling like a street rat?"

"It’s called creative resource gathering!"

Ridan snorted. "Right. Next time, try ’creative not attracting predators gathering.’"

Hazuki groaned and rubbed his temples. "Ugh... anyway! New plan: avoid towns with creepy men in makeup, stay far away from anyone offering ’warm meals’ and ’private baths,’ and maybe—maybe—find an actual quest to do."

"Wow. A real plan. I’m proud of you."

"Shut up."

Hazuki sighed, hoisting his bag and tightening the strap holding Ridan.

"Alright, let’s walk until the next peaceful village... without giant bearded maidens trying to make me their housewife."

"...Do you think that guy misses you?"

"Ridan!!"

"I’m just saying—he did give you a whole gold coin..."

"Don’t make me bury you in a swamp."

Ridan let out a low, mischievous chuckle. "I do wonder though... how would you be walking right now if that muscle-bound monster did manage to ’capture’ you?"

Hazuki froze mid-step, his whole body shivering. "RIDAN!!!"

"Oh come on, I’m just curious. Purely academic interest, of course."

Hazuki’s face turned pale. "You... you’re a demon."

"I’m a spirit, thank you. Ancient, powerful, and now cursed to follow around a guy who almost became some noble’s dumpling dessert."

Hazuki covered his ears. "Nope! Not listening! La la la la la—"

"You’d probably still be in that floral dress, sipping tea while being called ’my sweet little muffin—’"

"SHUT UP!!!"

Hazuki sprinted ahead, flailing his arms while Ridan laughed hysterically behind him, floating with zero remorse.

"Run all you want, muffin boy! The memories will still be there!"

"I WILL BURY YOU IN A CHEST FULL OF UNDERWEAR!"

"Only if it’s lacy and floral!"

"AAAAARGHHH!!!"

( End of Chapter )