MTL - My Turret Has a Caliber of Three Thousand Meters - Chapter 13 : "Sorry, sorry, occupational disease, occupational disease."

The next day.“I’ve stressed this time and again—I’m responsible for making the ethos of the cultivation world off-kilter! History is written by the victors, and I’ve triumphed!” Sword Immortal Lu Yang expressed his ire during a press interview.—Brought to you by The Cultivation Times.(Translated by Rakumon)It is the first day of the twelfth month of the year—a suitable day for the launch of this novel (I hope… :3) I am Rakumon, the translator of Who Let Him Cultivate?! This novel is known for its refreshing humor and imaginative ideas in the Chinese community. If you like a witty protagonist, interesting side characters, a mystery plot in the background, and plenty of comedy, do read on and be a part of Lu Yang’s journey! I have previously worked on Consort of a Thousand Faces and Transmigration: Of Mysteries And Songs on Volare. It will be my first time translating a novel from this genre, and it definitely doesn’t help that this novel is heavy with jokes, puns, wordplay, memes, poems, cultural references—you name it. Nonetheless, I will try my best to bring them across to all of you, and please also feel free to share your comments!

# PRETENDTOBEAFOOL

In the empire, both men and women would awaken Beast Essence once they reach the age of eighteen. Beast Essence was hidden in human bones, and the bone is called Beast Bone.

The more important the position of the Beast Bone was in a human body, the better the Beast Essence, and stronger Beasts would hatch from the beast eggs in the future! Kong Rui was going to be eighteen soon. She wanted to awaken, and then escape from this colosseum.

She wanted to escape this deceitful place where she was only entertainment for others, and had to fear her fate in order to survive. However, she was caught.

She was tied up and her sister dug out her entire backbone, because Kong Rui had awakened a Phoenix that had not been seen in a thousand years! She was stripped of all hope and thrown into a ravine filled with demonic energy like a dead dog.

Everyone thought she wouldn’t survive, but they didn’t expect her to have two elements in her body. She found a master under the cliff and even became a pampered princess of the demons there. The demons: “We’ll cut off the head of whoever touches Little Rui!”

Walking out of the abyss, she used her power to defeat the heroes, and no one dared to say the word “genius” in front of her! The Beasts that no one could conquer were as good as babies in her hands!

Countless peerless bosses came out just to accept her as their disciple! The bigshot that everyone feared even hugged her waist and whispered, “Do you want the entire empire? Why don’t I give it to you?”

In this latest work by Lord of the Mysteries author, Cuttlefish That Loves Diving, be prepared for a well-thought out and detailed apocalyptic, cyberpunk world with a setting superseding Lord of the Mysteries!

I found myself in a parallel universe, awakening as a male priest. Everything seemed perfect; after all, as a healer, specializing in aiding women should pose no issue, right? However, I couldn’t help but wonder about some peculiar spells in my repertoire.

Firstly, what in the world is the “Instantaneous Outbreak of Acute Gastroenteritis” spell? And don’t even get me started on the “Osteoporosis” spell. What purpose could these serve in my healing endeavors? The confusion only deepened with spells like “Blood Burn,” “Gradual Freeze,” and “Mental Chaos.” Can I still peacefully focus on healing women with such ominous abilities?

Comparing my spells to those of other professions, I couldn’t help but notice the stark contrast. Mages wield “Doomstorm” and “Ice Age,” swordsmen boast “Sword Rain: Homecoming” and “Wind-Cutter Slash,” while archers showcase “Arrow Rain: Shooting Stars” and “Storm Arrow.” Yet, my ultimate spells are disturbingly named “Cancer Cell Proliferation,” “T-Virus Infection,” and “Rabies Outbreak.”

In the midst of it all, a certain character, some crying girl, laments, “Noooo, I just took a bath, who would have thought that I would become infected!”

Meanwhile, a villain chillingly asks, “Do any of you know what it feels like to burst apart while spouting blood? No! You don’t know!”

Even a boss character confesses, “Dear family, who can understand? I just took a nap, and when I woke up, I suddenly found that I have no kidneys!”